Beyond Fraternal Friendship

Jake and I have worked hard to ensure that our boys are friends - best friends. Really hard. And it's been a learning curve with me, being an only child.

Our boys hug, they fight, they scream at each other, and they hold hands. It runs the gamut each and every day, but we have always stressed, to them, that no matter what happens, they should be each other's most loyal friend.

Yesterday I walked into a discussion between the two of them and my husband. Riley was in tears and Dylan was explaining something firmly.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking directly at Riley since he was the one crying. Though I wondered if I really needed to be part of the conversation. Jake seemed comfortable presiding over whatever was happening.

"Do you want me to tell her?" offered Jake. Riley nodded as large tears flooded from his eyes. "Dylan suggested that they split up tomorrow." More tears.

Let's back up. Yesterday was the first day of Kayak Kamp. Fourteen kids. Four instructors. And all the newbies were in doubles - it was Riley + Dylan. The camp leaders naturally paired siblings together. Makes sense. I guess Dylan had posed the question: "Should we be together tomorrow? Or should we ride with other people?" And it sent Riley over the edge. Why don't you want to ride with me?!? he wailed.

I see both sides. Riley likes the comfort of having his brother with him and, frankly, as the older brother we've probably drilled that into his head - you need to watch out for your brother. It is easier to watch him while he's in the same boat. Dylan is naturally more gregarious; he likes meeting new people. He probably thinks that he can't make any new friends while stuck in a boat with his brother.

I sat mute through the entire conflict, watching while my husband - the youngest of three brothers - brokered a deal that made both Riley and Dylan nod. They agreed. Thank goodness. They decided that they would ask if they could be together for half the day and switch after lunch. I'll report back on how that goes.

But I have a question - when do you meddle in your kids' conflicts? And when do you let them hash it out on their own?!?

I feel that we have successfully fortified this fraternal friendship. But when do you support letting them branch out with their own friends? Would love to hear any thoughts...comment below or email me at constantmotioncamilla [at] gmail [dot] com.