Beyond Fraternal Friendship

Jake and I have worked hard to ensure that our boys are friends - best friends. Really hard. And it's been a learning curve with me, being an only child.

Our boys hug, they fight, they scream at each other, and they hold hands. It runs the gamut each and every day, but we have always stressed, to them, that no matter what happens, they should be each other's most loyal friend.

Yesterday I walked into a discussion between the two of them and my husband. Riley was in tears and Dylan was explaining something firmly.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking directly at Riley since he was the one crying. Though I wondered if I really needed to be part of the conversation. Jake seemed comfortable presiding over whatever was happening.

"Do you want me to tell her?" offered Jake. Riley nodded as large tears flooded from his eyes. "Dylan suggested that they split up tomorrow." More tears.

Let's back up. Yesterday was the first day of Kayak Kamp. Fourteen kids. Four instructors. And all the newbies were in doubles - it was Riley + Dylan. The camp leaders naturally paired siblings together. Makes sense. I guess Dylan had posed the question: "Should we be together tomorrow? Or should we ride with other people?" And it sent Riley over the edge. Why don't you want to ride with me?!? he wailed.

I see both sides. Riley likes the comfort of having his brother with him and, frankly, as the older brother we've probably drilled that into his head - you need to watch out for your brother. It is easier to watch him while he's in the same boat. Dylan is naturally more gregarious; he likes meeting new people. He probably thinks that he can't make any new friends while stuck in a boat with his brother.

I sat mute through the entire conflict, watching while my husband - the youngest of three brothers - brokered a deal that made both Riley and Dylan nod. They agreed. Thank goodness. They decided that they would ask if they could be together for half the day and switch after lunch. I'll report back on how that goes.

But I have a question - when do you meddle in your kids' conflicts? And when do you let them hash it out on their own?!?

I feel that we have successfully fortified this fraternal friendship. But when do you support letting them branch out with their own friends? Would love to hear any thoughts...comment below or email me at constantmotioncamilla [at] gmail [dot] com.

This is NOT Good-bye + Good Memories

This weekend was an emotional one. I went to a memorial for a friend from high school - to say good-bye - and those are never anything but heart-wrenching. So, when I went to a Bon Voyage!  party the following day, for some friends who are going to Denmark for a year, I smiled when I saw this:

NOTICE: This is NOT a good-bye party but a see-you-later PARTY! Love, D.

Thank goodness. I don't like good-byes.

But I do like seeing friends giggle and know that while a year is a long time, this foursome has forged bonds and have memories that will carry them through. And - even easier than when I was a kid and had to wait weeks for letters from friends who lived in other countries - these guys have email and blogs. We will still be able to share in each other's adventures despite the distance.

The kids talked about their favorite memories. They included...

Spring Break in the Snow

Easter at Point Lobos

There are too many to count, but I wanted to share these pictures of friendship and fun. My favorites!

Pasta Making

Picnics

Road Trips

Tidepooling

Holidays

Hikes

We will miss you guys so, so much...

looking forward to making many more memories with you next year.

Love from the Manns

Sapias, vina liques

Matt and I were part of the original 13 - thirteen students who began their high school careers at York School in Monterey a year early, as eighth graders. By the time we graduated five years later, our class had swelled to 32 with a few kids drifting in and out through the years. For the most part, it didn't matter who had arrived in eighth grade, ninth grade, or even transferred in as a junior. What it meant to me was that Matt and I shared many, many classes. From English to Physics and Chemistry to Choir, he was there. Most memorably, he and I were the only two in our class who slogged through five years of Latin when only two were required. By the fifth year, we began to bicker about what we should read. He wanted to read Pliny's war histories while I longed to read Ovid's love poetry; our teacher, Mr. Sturch, brokered a truce: two days a week I would read Ovid, two days a week Matt would read Pliny, and one day a week we would read whatever Mr. Sturch wanted us to read. Sounded reasonable.

Over the twenty years that have gone by since high school, Matt and I lost touch. But as many of us have, we reconnected through social media. And my family and I had the pleasure of brunching with Matt and his girlfriend Kim when they were in town for a family function. Since then, Matt followed my kitchen blog and commented on my recipes or my libation creations. Just a couple of weeks ago, I penned a blogpost about National Absinthe Day and the bottle I had picked up on my way home from work. "I think the St George is close to the best American absinthe," he wrote. I wondered which one he would have deemed the best, but I didn't ask. I should have because now I'll never know.

Though I wouldn't characterize my relationship with Matt as a close friendship, we were more than acquaintances. We were two people who had shared five years at a very small school; shared tables over meals, both as adolescents and adults; and shared a passion about good food and great drinks. Reading through the remembrances written by Matt's friends, I see a picture of a man who was giving and loving - one who constantly challenged the people around him to be better, to learn more, and to seize the day.

 For you, Matt, in Horace's words...

Tu ne quaesieris - scire nefas - quem mihi, quem tibi

finem di dederint, Leuconoë, nec Babylonios

temptaris numeros. Ut melius, quicquid erit, pati!

seu plures hiemes, seu tribuit Iuppiter ultimam,

quae nunc oppositis debilitat pumicibus mare

Tyrhenum. Sapias, vina liques, et spatio brevi

spem longam reseces. Dum loquimur, fugerit invida

aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.

 You are missed. Wherever you are, don't forget: Sapias, vina liques (Be wise, strain the wine). Cheers!

—Camilla

Saying Good-bye

Today I went to a memorial service for a classmate that has left us far too soon. On my way out the door, my 11-year-old asked me where I was going...

R: Mom, where are you going?
C: I am going to a memorial this afternoon.
R: What's a memorial?
C: It's something that you have for someone who has died...to remember him or her and to say good-bye.
R: Take some tissues, then. You might need them.

I did. Wise boy.

me·mo·ri·al  

/məˈmôrēəl/

Noun Something, esp. a structure, that reminds people of a person or event. Intended to commemorate someone or something: "a memorial service in the dead man's honor". I was not looking forward to the memorial. I wanted to be sad all on my own. But there was something fantastic that happened there - I realized that though he is gone, he will live on in the hearts and memories of so many people! Matt, you are missed.

Alphabet Soup: Me. By the letters.

I saw this on a blog I follow and thought it would be a fun distraction this morning. Me. By the letters...

A. Attached or Single? Attached...for better or worse!

B. Best Friend? My husband, hands down. But I have several girlfriends who are pretty high up there as well.

C. Cake or pie? Tough call. I'm a seasonal sweets-eater. Rhubarb pie and cheesecake are a tie.

D. Day of choice? Sunday. I love hitting the trail with my boys early on Sunday for some family adventure, followed by cheese tasting, and - usually - a movie in the afternoon. It's a lazy, love-filled day.

E. Essential Item? Sunglasses

F. Favorite color? Emerald green or bubblegum pink

G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms. Sour ones.

H. Hometown? Born in Austin, raised all over (Air Force kid), settled in Monterey, schooled in Berkeley, ran away to Rome, then back to California.

I. Favorite Indulgence? Date nights

J. January or July? Both but July is usually family-vacation month, so I'll go with that.

K. Kids? Two.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Good food, good wine, and good friends.

M. Marriage date? March 2000

N. Number of brothers/sisters? Zero.

O. Oranges or Apples. Not my favorites, but if I have to choose I like blood oranges.

P. Phobias? Rodents in my house.

Q. Quotes? Even falling on your face is a forward motion.

R. Reasons to smile? Many, many, many.

S. Season of choice? All of them. We have fun and make memories in each and every one.

T. Tag 5 People. Hmmmm....

U. Unknown fact about me? Hard to say. I think I'm a pretty open-book. How about that this bacon-loving gal was a vegetarian for almost a decade?! Or that when I met my husband, I didn't bake?!? It's hard to imagine now.

V. Vegetable? All of them! Except fava beans because I'm allergic.

W. Worst habit? I am severely lacking in the patience department. And I'm not very forgiving. If someone crosses me, that's pretty much the end of our relationship.

X. Xray or Ultrasound? Cannot remember the last Xray I've had. I'll go with ultrasound.

Y. Your favorite food? Depends on when you're asking. Right now. Rhubarb.

Z. Zodiac sign? Taurus born in the year of the ox. Yes, it shows.

The Blog Dare: Making Memories

"Where has the year gone?" is the Blog Dare writing prompt for today, Friday, May 31st.

I think I'll tweak my musing a little bit to ask: where have all the years gone?

This [photo to the right] was me eleven years ago to the day. Now I have one son - the one in my "ball" - who is headed to middle school next year and one going into 4th grade. And I turned 40 this month. Seriously. Where do the years go?!?

Well...

It's gone to living my life to the fullest and making memories with my three boys. 

But I'll stick with the assigned prompt for five highlights for the first five months of 2013.

#5: The boys' first fencing tournament

#4: Watching the boys confidently navigate intermediate ski runs

#3: Going to the Terracotta Warriors Exhibit at the Asian Art Museum

#2: Attending TEDx Monterey with Riley and 

seeing our friend Kevin speak about his 20% project

#1: Ringing in my 40th year with a kid-free day with my Love - 

forgive the blurry photo!

There you have it. Looking forward to making more memories throughout the rest of the year.

First Fencing Tournament

Today we headed a Foil Invitational, the boys' first ever fencing tournament. It ended up being a much longer day than we anticipated, but it was a great learning experience for all. I still can't figure out how they score the bouts, but I was impressed with the process.

Step 1 = each fencer battles every other in their pool. That seeds them based on touches scored, touches allowed, and matches won. Based on those numbers, Riley was seeded #2 and Dylan was #5, out of 8.

Step 2 = direct elimination with the best two out of three bouts. Dylan was bumped during his first direct elimination and it brought him to tears, but we told him he did a great job, considering he's only had four lessons! And he ended up in 4th place anyway.

Riley made it to the semi-finals before being eliminated by the kid who went on to take 2nd place. Riley ended up (tied) at 3rd place. Both boys who placed ahead of him have been fencing for three years, so he did remarkably well.

After the medal ceremony, we had lunch and met some friends for ice cream at the new Penny. Bitter Caramel, Chocolate Bergamot, Fresh Mint Chocolate Chip, and a Verve Coffee were the top picks. What a day!